Have you ever had so many questions floating in your mind that you felt like you were always walking around in a thick fog? Occasionally this happens to me when I read profound teachings or books. The mind blowing effects can send me into a downward spiral of confusion. Often times more questions arise than are answered. This happened last week when Eckhart Tolle was here at Omega.
If you didn’t already know, I am now working as a seasonal staff at the Omega Institute. Anyways, Eckhart Tolle, the author of Power of Now and also one of the most influential teachers in my life, came to Omega for 5 days. It was the experience of a lifetime for me. And although there was much laughter and realization, on the final day of his talks, I came out feeling more lost than before.
Tolle’s basic teachings invite us to enter the present moment in order to directly experience the awareness of Being. That Being is pure unconditioned consciousness. It’s the Essence and Oneness of all of our lives. It is not of the mind. The mind can not touch it, label it, or fathom it. The mind can only step out of the way in order for awareness of awareness to arise. This is where I got caught in a self destructive trap.
The riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma
My mind was not very pleased with the fact that it could not hold on to Presence or Being. After Eckhart ended the final session, I walked out rather peaceful, but an underlying agitation began to surface. A negativity tugged on my mood for the rest of the day. I was reserved and wondering why. My mind was slowly dying and tricking me at the same time.
It took until the afternoon on the following day for me to begin to realize and see what was taking place. As I sat in the grass under a large oak in the main field, the understanding leaked into my awareness. It was still within the contents of my mind, but it was a clearer understanding.
My mind thought that it had the answer. The big answer. Who is? Not even who am I? But who is. Who is being. Being is beyond the mind. The Being is the space that contains the mind and all forms that arise inside of it. My mind was searching so hard for all signs of this Being, that it began to identify very much with acting as “the seeker.” Just another story. It’s a useful story – until you don’t need it.
The seeker is dying
I saw that the mind was using its own inability to not know the Truth of Being as a way to suffer. I created expectations that the mind simply could not fulfill. Absolutely impossible. The mind can not touch Beingness. It is within the realm of nothingness and formlessness. There is no knowing Being. There is not a single thought process that I can run through which will bring me any closer to knowing the truth of my Being.
Thinking would not help me. I simply did not know. I never accepted that before. I never saw it. My mind thought it was going to eventually figure it out. This has been a continuing excuse for the mind to identify and suffer for many years for me.
When I saw and accepted that I don’t know, the underlying agitation and moodiness dissolved. The mind story could not survive the light of conscious present moment Being, as Tolle mentioned through the week.
Wanting to know something that is unknowable was a strong knot in my mind. This is a deep rooted issue and I have begun to see it. Whether or not it is completely dissolved, I don’t know. I will strive to live more in the present moment of Being, with less thought content, and more Being.
Full awareness of Being is a grace offered by God himself. An awakening unto one’s true Self. There is not a single thought or piece of content within the mind that can figure this out or make it happen. There is nothing to do. There is only Being now.
I hope this post resonates with those who are also seeking. Just be easy in the search for your own Truth. The mind may not contain the answer, but it is very good at leading us in the right direction. We must all use the tools we have been given. There is nothing wrong with the mind when you are aware of it’s purpose, function, and limitations. Keep reading. Keep thinking. Keep pondering. And above all, keep Being.
With all of my Loving Being,
PS. And many thanks to Tolle.